U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
