i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
