Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
high people should be assigned attendants
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
