Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
