she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
