physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
