3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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