just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
