She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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