Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
