Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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