So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
