My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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