There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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