White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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