i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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