i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
