Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
