Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
