kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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