hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
