I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
