What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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