The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
