South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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