im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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