1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
