I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Sober January is a disaster.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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