When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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