I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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