I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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