nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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