i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
this just has baby written all over it
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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