i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
