i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
