If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
