I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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