Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
