I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
