She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
