Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
