can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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