Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
