I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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