I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
