just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
