i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
