And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
