She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
