I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
